Yesterday I posted a picture in my profile of Rich and me waaaaay back in 1994 when we were newly dating. I love that picture. Rich is poking me in my ribs which is why my mouth is wide open laughing and he looks sneaky with the sparkly eyes.
But it got me thinking about how wonderful dating was. Think back with me to the beginning of a long relationship. Remember how exciting it was to find out new things about this person you were attracted to? My strongest jolting memory was when I realized that Rich picked up his own socks AND was literate. Very literate. Much more so than his quiet, long-haired, beer-drinking goofball exterior might imply. I was thrilled and I can remember at that moment falling a little bit in love with him.
And there are many memories like that from way back in the beginning. That night we listened to a new CD over and over, hearing every nuance and not talking, just listening, being fascinated. The different flavors of kisses in various emotional states. Serious discussions about moral dillemas, politics, friends, music, religion, travel, books, work, our past loves, our views of the future. Those times were magic. I'm sure you all have these kinds of memories, be they long ago or recent.
This October is our tenth anniversary and I've been in a reflective mood. I keep realizing that it takes years to fully fall in love with a person. Because you have to know someone to love them, to really love them, faults and all. And I don't care if you are an open, communicative person, it takes years to really know someone and to really allow someone to know you.
Do we ever think to tell someone when we begin to date that when you act angry and you're crying, the best way to calm you down is to stroke your hair and tell you to breathe? Because you aren't mad, you're scared. Or that when you are saying you want to control a situation you'd actually be much happier if someone else took control and just allowed you to sleep for awhile? These are the things we find out after years of being married to a person. Why? Because they are things we don't even know about ourselves. They are things a spouse observes and learns after years of trial and error, after years of ridiculous fights that go nowhere about nothing just because instead of stroking your hair and telling you to breathe, he simply took his pillow and slept on the couch because he thought you were mad at him when instead you were simply afraid he didn't love you enough to handle the fight and his sleeping on the couch made that fear worse.
Trust issues. Vulnerability. Anger. Fear. Sadness. It takes years to know how to recognize these things in your partner and then years after that to know how best to handle them. How to help them out of their crazy tree and how to let them know when it's time to help you out of yours.
I think Rich learned within a few short years that I like to talk through things. I don't believe in keeping quiet if I have a grievance and it freaks me out to think that someone might be holding something stuipd I've done against me instead of confronting me with it and letting me apologize and make things right. He said once that sometimes he wished I'd just hit him when I'm upset instead of talking him to death as it would take less time. But that's not me. It's a tremendous blessing to be able to share thoughts and fears and bad dreams and good news with a person who knows how you really feel about each and every one of them.
After a few years of marriage, the pictures taken of us together are looking more and more similar to that first one taken when we didn't really know each other at all. The wide, happy smiles of today are even more precious than those first exhillarating months just because they're real and open and fully cognizant of how far we've come, how happy we can be, and how much more life ahead we have together.
It's a sappy topic for today and plenty self-congratulatory as well, but I don't care. My sweetheart is coming home from Puerto Rico tomorrow and I'm happy. Reflections of a hard-won happiness should always be celebrated. To all of you, celebrate your own happiness in whatever form it takes. And have a wonderful weekend!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment