You Know it Only Gets 10-12 MPG

What kind of driver are you?

Do you drive peacefully, leaving yourself enough time to get to your destination, singing along to the radio or talking with your spouse or child or friends in the car with you?

Or are you a raging maniac who feels possessive of the road, not wanting to share with drivers around you in your morning commute?

I'm driver number one and this morning I encountered driver number two.

Driver number two, also known here as The Woman Driving the Tank, pulled right up behind me as we waited for the green light to cross Capital Blvd. Crossing Capital is stressful in any situation and the fact that they never have gotten the lights timed correctly doesn't help. So this WDtT is sitting on my back bumper and when the light turns green, she stayed there. Right on top of me.

I tried to do what my mother always told me and ignore her. I DID. I was going the speed limit and I was, in fact, keeping pace with traffic around me. I learned to drive in West Virginia where they teach you that in order to tell a tailgater to "back off" you tap your brakes at them. I have since learned that North Carolinians never got this paragraph in driver's ed and here the brake tapping causes the tailgater behind you to stomp their own brakes and then swerve mightily as if trying to anticipate to which lane you will be moving. It's not pretty.

But this morning I waited for this fool WDtT to get it through her head that I wasn't about to speed for her pleasure. When she didn't get it and continued to ride close enough to touch through the back window, I simply bided my time until we reached the school zone and then slowed down another ten miles an hour, tapping my brakes three or four times to get there. The cars in front of me did the same but the lane to the right opened up briefly and the idiot WDtT behind me swerved to the right and sped past in a blaze of idiot glory.

When she went past I stuck my tongue out at her which is what I do instead of flipping people the bird. I found long ago (about the time we moved here) that sticking out my tongue at a rude driver made me feel like laughing instead of making me feel as rude as they are. Plus you get the bonus of their surprise and I always wonder if perhaps it makes them feel a little foolish. Probably not, but at least it doesn't make me feel any angrier.

Tailgating is the worst driving offense a person can commit. It's both rude AND stupid, two of the all time worst things you can be in the south, and yet, people do it all the time here. As if they're actually auditioning for a NASCAR race.

My personal weapon against this is my occupation. I'm a writer. I'm a mother. I work from home. I have no time clock and no one ever asks me why I'm late. Tailgating me only makes me drive slower. And I have all the time in the world.

So to that idiot WDtT, hear this: I won't be rushed. I got up on time, I'm already speeding, and I don't have to hurry just because you're late. One day I'm going to stand up on my brakes and let you hit me. Let's see who the police and your insurance company thinks is in the right on that day.

Anyone else want to complain about driving? It helps….